I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
