you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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