Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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