Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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