Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's like iHOP with fire
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
