You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
as a side note pls kill me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
