Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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