i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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