oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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