I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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