woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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