you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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