Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
