I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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