We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
