we have officially lost it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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