At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
