Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
