i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my sisters under your porch take her home
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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