Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
