so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
