Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
