i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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