Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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