3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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