his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can I color on your dick again?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
