what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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