I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
