it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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