Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
