I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
