white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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