And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
