cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
