I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
