weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
