Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
