Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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