I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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