she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
