all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
