hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
