whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
