Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
