it wasn't lemon gatorade
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone came in the potted fern
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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