I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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