JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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