I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
