We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
