Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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