So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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