It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
