it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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