No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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