i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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