I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you never un-have a 4some
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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