Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
