Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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