This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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