I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
