I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
