I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
