If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
