I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
