a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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