i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
