talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
