how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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