hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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