I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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