I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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