I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
