its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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