My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
