shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
