I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
